It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top.

How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed. "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter."

The official just stared.

The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!"

The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback.

The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"

You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because
you think it makes a good air freshener.

Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.

You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".

Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.

You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.

You name your dog "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".

You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.

You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.

You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.

You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.

You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.

You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.

Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.

You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.

Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone.

The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.

The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.

The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.

The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.

If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.

After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.

After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.

In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.

No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.

Doreen's husband Matt died suddenly one day. Doreen was taking care of the funeral arrangements with the undertaker when she was asked how she wanted Matt's obituary to read.

Doreen asked the undertaker, "How much does an obituary cost?"

The undertaker replied, "One dollar per word."

Doreen then said, "I want the obituary to read - MATT IS DEAD."

The undertaker was an old fishing buddy of Matt's and he was a little disturbed by such a curt obituary, so he offered, "I'll make you a special deal since I knew Matt so well. I'll pay for half of the obituary out of my own pocket."

Doreen's face lit up and she replied, "Great. I want it to read - MATT IS DEAD, BOAT FOR SALE."

A hunter was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The hunter took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want."

Again the hunter took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The hunter said, "Look, I'm a avid hunter and when I'm not hunting, I'm fishing, so I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool!"

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