The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.

The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.

The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.

The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.

If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.

After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.

After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.

In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.

No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.

Doreen's husband Matt died suddenly one day. Doreen was taking care of the funeral arrangements with the undertaker when she was asked how she wanted Matt's obituary to read.

Doreen asked the undertaker, "How much does an obituary cost?"

The undertaker replied, "One dollar per word."

Doreen then said, "I want the obituary to read - MATT IS DEAD."

The undertaker was an old fishing buddy of Matt's and he was a little disturbed by such a curt obituary, so he offered, "I'll make you a special deal since I knew Matt so well. I'll pay for half of the obituary out of my own pocket."

Doreen's face lit up and she replied, "Great. I want it to read - MATT IS DEAD, BOAT FOR SALE."

A hunter was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The hunter took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want."

Again the hunter took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The hunter said, "Look, I'm a avid hunter and when I'm not hunting, I'm fishing, so I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool!"

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1. An interviewer started to ask Yogi Berra about his two hits from the previous night when Berra corrected him and said he had three hits.

The interviewer apologized. "I checked the paper and the boxscore said you had two hits. The third must have been a typographical error."

"Hell, no," Berra replied. "It was clean single to left."

2. A rookie sat next to his manager and watched Roger Maris gun down a runner trying to go from first to third.

"Kid, you won't see a throw like that again in a million years."

Three innings later, Maris duplicated the feat.

The rookie turned to the manager and said, "Time sure flies up here in the Majors."

3. Before the 1952 World Series, Brooklyn Dodgers' manager Charlie Dressen cornered pitcher Billy Loes.

"I see in the paper where you picked the Yankees to beat us in seven games. What's wrong with you," Dressen said.

"I was misquoted," Loes protested. "I picked them in six games."

4. On June 17, 1962, in a game between the Mets and the Cubs at the Polo Grounds,
"Marvelous" Marv Thronberry slammed a two-run triple. But while he was catching his breath on third base, Chicago firstbaseman Ernie Banks called for the ball and appealed that Marv had missed first base. The appeal was upheld and he was called out. Mets manager Casey Stengel ran out from the dugout to argue the call until umpire Dusty Boggess said, "Forget it Casey.He didn't touch second either!"

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To err is human. To put the blame on someone else is doubles.

Q. What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball? A. See you round

A tennis player went to the doctor because he heard music whenever he played. The physician cured him by removing his head band.

You should never marry a tennis player, because to them love means nothing

Q. What is the definition of endless love? A. Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

Q. What's a horse's favorite sport? A. Stable Tennis.

Q. Where do ghosts play tennis? A. On a tennis corpse!

Q. What is the difference between the men's final at Wimbledon and a high school choral performance? A. The tennis final has more men.

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