Sports Jokes Humor And Satire
Tennis One Liners 
Thursday, July 26, 2007, 04:08 PM - Tennis
To err is human. To put the blame on someone else is doubles.

Q. What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball? A. See you round

A tennis player went to the doctor because he heard music whenever he played. The physician cured him by removing his head band.

You should never marry a tennis player, because to them love means nothing

Q. What is the definition of endless love? A. Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

Q. What's a horse's favorite sport? A. Stable Tennis.

Q. Where do ghosts play tennis? A. On a tennis corpse!

Q. What is the difference between the men's final at Wimbledon and a high school choral performance? A. The tennis final has more men.

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Bad Day At The Course 
Thursday, July 19, 2007, 08:00 PM - Golf
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

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Throw Them At Me. 
Friday, July 13, 2007, 01:57 AM - Fishing
Bud had a very bad day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single fish. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."

"But why?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."

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Baseball Quickies. 
Saturday, July 7, 2007, 10:13 PM - Baseball
A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game. The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Darn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going."

A couple of Yogi Berra's teammates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him. Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him. He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.

According to the Chicago Tribune, the following statistic was given in the press notes for the June 7 Chicago-Oakland game: The Oakland Athletics are 32-0 in games in which they have scored more runs than their opponents.

"A young lady arrived at her first ballgame during the 5th inning. "The score is 0 to 0," she heard a nearby fan say. "Oh, good," she cooed to her boyfriend, "then we haven't missed a thing."

Baseball fans were hoping that President Clinton would throw out the first pitch at one of the World Series games. "Normally, we'd ask Hillary," said a baseball spokesman. "Because she seems to be the one with the balls."

Bill Clinton was at a baseball game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear. President Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."

Did you hear? Detroit is building a new stadium but it is keeping its location hidden from the public. Yeah, they're afraid the Tigers will find out where it is and try to play there.

When Greg Maddux signed a 5 year, $57 million contract it made him the highest paid player in baseball. He was so rich that he could then hire a designated scratcher.

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Golf Course Or? 
Monday, July 2, 2007, 07:23 PM - Golf
Four married guys go golfing.While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place:

1st Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

2nd Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife I will build a new deck for the pool."

3rd Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife I will remodel the kitchen for her.

They continued to play the hole when they realized that the 4th guy hadn't said anything. So they asked him, "You haven't said anything about what you had todo to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

4th guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and when it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'golf course or intercourse?'
And she said, "Wear your sweater".

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