The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.

Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.

The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?''

George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''

''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''

Three men went out to play a round of golf, Moses, Jesus and an old man. Moses tee'd off first, and the ball landed in the water. He parted the water, and hit the ball in for a birdie.

Jesus tee'd off next, and the ball landed in the water. He then walked on the water, and hit the ball in for a birdie.

Lastly the old man tee'd off, but before the ball could hit the water, a fish jumped out and caught the ball in it's mouth. Then an eagle swooped down and caught the fish. Lightening then struck near the eagle, frightening it, and it dropped the fish. When the fish hit the ground, it dropped the ball in for a perfect hole in one.

Jesus and Moses turn to the old man, and Jesus said, "Dad, if you don't quit playing like that, we're not going to bring you anymore."

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the heck is taking so long? Hit the darn ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

Man, you don't stand a snowball's chance in h__l of hitting her from here!"

A man is stranded on a deserted island, all alone for ten years. One day a gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba suit arrives at the island. She comes up to the chap and she says, "How long has it been since you had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he answers. She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asks, "How long has it been since you had a whisky?"

He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a bottle of malt whisky and gives it to him. He takes a long swallow and says, "Wow, that is fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you had some real fun?"

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!"

A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternooon. Unfortunately the builder wasn't very good at the game and every time he missed a shot would shout 'S__t, missed'.

The game went on and after several outbursts from the builder, the priest could hold his tongue no longer. "Don't swear like that" he told his friend, "or God will punish you". The builder apologised and the game continued.

As soon as he missed another shot the builder shouted "S__t, missed." and continued to do this every time he missed a shot for the next three holes.

The priest was starting to get really angry by now and said "I must insist that you stop swearing this instant, otherwise God will hear you and punish you!"

Once again, his pleas made no difference as the builder missed an easy putt on the seventeenth green and shouted out "S__t, missed". Immediately the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning flew from the sky, hitting the priest and killing him stone dead.

Suddenly, a booming voice was heard in the clouds, "S__t, missed!"