1. For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.

2. The only reason I took up jogging was to hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spending $400 in the process. I haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4. I have to jog early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

5. I like long jogs, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

6. The advantage to jogging every day is that you die healthier.

7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. If you are going to take up cross-country running, it helps to start with a small country.

9. I don't jog; it makes me spill my milk shake.

10. Actually, I don't exercise at all. If we were meant to touch our toes, we would have them farther up on our body.

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