2009-11-07T15:02:22Z Resources For Attorneys sj@resourcesforattorneys.com Copyright 2009, Resources For Attorneys sj@resourcesforattorneys.com SPHPBLOG
Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090511-225310 2009-05-12T00:00:00Z 2009-05-12T00:00:00Z On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.

Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.

The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?''

George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''

''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.'']]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080717-190459 2008-07-18T00:00:00Z 2008-07-18T00:00:00Z A. The torturer would apologize first.

Q. Why did the aerobics instructor cross the road?
A. Someone on the other side could still walk.

Q. What do aerobics instructors and people who make bacon have in common?
A. They both tear hams into shreds.

Q. How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four!...Three!...Two!...One!

Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?
A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.

Q. What do you call an aerobics instructor who doesn't cause pain and agony?
A. Unemployed.

Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080524-214419 2008-05-25T00:00:00Z 2008-05-25T00:00:00Z
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.

Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.

Suprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?

The blonde girlfriend replied, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080512-212708 2008-05-13T00:00:00Z 2008-05-13T00:00:00Z
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again, the boy nodded yes.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother.]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080426-203705 2008-04-27T00:00:00Z 2008-04-27T00:00:00Z
Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.

The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said,"You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!

So, how did you break your leg?"]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080405-210039 2008-04-06T00:00:00Z 2008-04-06T00:00:00Z
Jesus tee'd off next, and the ball landed in the water. He then walked on the water, and hit the ball in for a birdie.

Lastly the old man tee'd off, but before the ball could hit the water, a fish jumped out and caught the ball in it's mouth. Then an eagle swooped down and caught the fish. Lightening then struck near the eagle, frightening it, and it dropped the fish. When the fish hit the ground, it dropped the ball in for a perfect hole in one.

Jesus and Moses turn to the old man, and Jesus said, "Dad, if you don't quit playing like that, we're not going to bring you anymore."]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-200231 2008-03-22T00:00:00Z 2008-03-22T00:00:00Z Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens.

He tries again. Still nothing.

He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.

Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going UP!

Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"

The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-224508 2008-03-14T00:00:00Z 2008-03-14T00:00:00Z
Soon everyone had exited the gym except for one confident looking guy named Keith who sat calmly on the gym floor without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to Keith and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

Keith replied, "Yep, I sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, not at all." said Keith.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned Keith, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause profound horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope," said Keith again.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

Keith looked Satan directly in the eye and calmly replied, "Because your bride has been playing power on my coed volleyball team all season and I feel like I've already been through H--l."]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-233028 2008-03-07T00:00:00Z 2008-03-07T00:00:00Z
"Hey Chris," the snack bar employee said. "Forget your troubles for a bit. It's late. Come over here and try some of these new jalapeno poppers and fries. I'll help you with that cart after you eat."

"That's mighty nice of you, but Pa won't like that," Chris replied.

"Aw, come on, take a break for a bit," the man at the snack bar insisted.

"Well, okay," the boy finally agreed. "But Pa won't like it."

After eating a few of the poppers with ranch dressing and a huge plate of golden french fries, Chris thanked the snack bar worker. "I feel a lot better now, but I just know that Pa will be upset."

"Nonsense," the cook said. "Where is your pa anyway"?

"Under the cart."]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-234303 2008-03-04T00:00:00Z 2008-03-04T00:00:00Z