2008-05-16T12:41:55Z Resources For Attorneys sj@resourcesforattorneys.com Copyright 2008, Resources For Attorneys sj@resourcesforattorneys.com SPHPBLOG
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.

Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.

Suprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?

The blonde girlfriend replied, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080512-212708 2008-05-13T00:00:00Z 2008-05-13T00:00:00Z
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again, the boy nodded yes.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother.]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080426-203705 2008-04-27T00:00:00Z 2008-04-27T00:00:00Z
Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.

The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said,"You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!

So, how did you break your leg?"]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080405-210039 2008-04-06T00:00:00Z 2008-04-06T00:00:00Z
Jesus tee'd off next, and the ball landed in the water. He then walked on the water, and hit the ball in for a birdie.

Lastly the old man tee'd off, but before the ball could hit the water, a fish jumped out and caught the ball in it's mouth. Then an eagle swooped down and caught the fish. Lightening then struck near the eagle, frightening it, and it dropped the fish. When the fish hit the ground, it dropped the ball in for a perfect hole in one.

Jesus and Moses turn to the old man, and Jesus said, "Dad, if you don't quit playing like that, we're not going to bring you anymore."]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-200231 2008-03-22T00:00:00Z 2008-03-22T00:00:00Z Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens.

He tries again. Still nothing.

He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.

Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going UP!

Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"

The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-224508 2008-03-14T00:00:00Z 2008-03-14T00:00:00Z
Soon everyone had exited the gym except for one confident looking guy named Keith who sat calmly on the gym floor without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to Keith and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

Keith replied, "Yep, I sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, not at all." said Keith.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned Keith, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause profound horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope," said Keith again.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

Keith looked Satan directly in the eye and calmly replied, "Because your bride has been playing power on my coed volleyball team all season and I feel like I've already been through H--l."]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-233028 2008-03-07T00:00:00Z 2008-03-07T00:00:00Z
"Hey Chris," the snack bar employee said. "Forget your troubles for a bit. It's late. Come over here and try some of these new jalapeno poppers and fries. I'll help you with that cart after you eat."

"That's mighty nice of you, but Pa won't like that," Chris replied.

"Aw, come on, take a break for a bit," the man at the snack bar insisted.

"Well, okay," the boy finally agreed. "But Pa won't like it."

After eating a few of the poppers with ranch dressing and a huge plate of golden french fries, Chris thanked the snack bar worker. "I feel a lot better now, but I just know that Pa will be upset."

"Nonsense," the cook said. "Where is your pa anyway"?

"Under the cart."]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-234303 2008-03-04T00:00:00Z 2008-03-04T00:00:00Z
Skiers like to glide down the slopes in a series of graceful arcs; snowboarders like to attack the mountain, slashing, spinning, tumbling, going backward, blasting through snowdrifts, leaping off cliffs, getting their noses pierced in midair, etc.]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080228-205619 2008-02-29T00:00:00Z 2008-02-29T00:00:00Z
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the heck is taking so long? Hit the darn ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

Man, you don't stand a snowball's chance in h__l of hitting her from here!"]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080222-161356 2008-02-22T00:00:00Z 2008-02-22T00:00:00Z
"Ten years!" he answers. She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asks, "How long has it been since you had a whisky?"

He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a bottle of malt whisky and gives it to him. He takes a long swallow and says, "Wow, that is fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you had some real fun?"

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!"]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080217-204131 2008-02-18T00:00:00Z 2008-02-18T00:00:00Z
The game went on and after several outbursts from the builder, the priest could hold his tongue no longer. "Don't swear like that" he told his friend, "or God will punish you". The builder apologised and the game continued.

As soon as he missed another shot the builder shouted "S__t, missed." and continued to do this every time he missed a shot for the next three holes.

The priest was starting to get really angry by now and said "I must insist that you stop swearing this instant, otherwise God will hear you and punish you!"

Once again, his pleas made no difference as the builder missed an easy putt on the seventeenth green and shouted out "S__t, missed". Immediately the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning flew from the sky, hitting the priest and killing him stone dead.

Suddenly, a booming voice was heard in the clouds, "S__t, missed!"]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080214-160833 2008-02-14T00:00:00Z 2008-02-14T00:00:00Z
The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."]]> http://sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080209-022335 2008-02-09T00:00:00Z 2008-02-09T00:00:00Z